give up. learn to garden. figure it out.

today is a day i feel certain i have made all the wrong decisions and have basically wasted my life. i feel like this most days, honestly, but today: today it feels more true than ever. i live in a truly ridiculous place. i don’t know what the point of anything is. and i’m tired. and i could have been…i don’t know…something else. a trophy wife, maybe. or someone who knows how to garden. i can’t even garden. i can’t even keep house plants alive very well anymore. what is wrong with me.

earlier, ryan and i were at The Dairy Arts Center, which until very recently was called the Dairy Center for the Arts, but i guess they decided the name was too long or something (nevermind all the people who are legitimately confused when i tell them I have a show at The Dairy – they’re like “you’re performing in a dairy?” “no.”) and there were some construction workers talking as we walked up a new and winding ramp located right smack where shannon’s office used to be. we couldn’t see the construction workers but we could hear them and what we heard was one construction worker say: “I’m busy.” to which the other, a man clearly in a position of authority, crustily replied: “No you’re not.” for whatever reason this struck us a really funny. we laughed all the way to an art exhibit featuring seaweed, where we sat on the floor and had a meeting because there was nowhere else for us to go. ridiculous. later, when i relayed the story to LA, she said: “i guess you just had to be there.”

i guess you just had to be there. where? there. oh. right.

the other day, i started taking pictures of these tiny babies. i don’t know why. but now i’m doing it. #tinybabies  maybe this is my calling. arranging and photographing tiny, creepy rubber babies. i just don’t know anymore. fuck it.

i call them: communication formation, seance formation, caffeine formation, and foliage formation.

somebody tell me what it all means. or even just some of it. please. tell me.


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